Saudis under the Mask

“Have you ever met someone that took your breath away? Made you feel so breathless?” he asked. I laughed and said,“What do you mean?” “I have. The warmth in her eyes when she looks at me, the smile she gives for me, the way her nose scrunches up when she sees something she hates, the way she looks at stars as if they are magical.” he looked at me with so much love in his eyes. “I have, and it's you.”

Have you ever decided to speak, but went against it because you know no one would listen? Have you ever tried to make friends, but went against it, afraid you will be rejected? I have and it hurts. I used to think that I need to change my personality to make people to like me and maybe I would be able to make friends, to stop being shy and try a new personality, but this wasn’t the case. Life isn’t like that, it's not the same as we see in movies where people would like you if you change yourself and became what they want. I began to speak less, to show myself less. I began to be silent. Surprisingly, It wasn’t that bad. Silence isn't as bad as everyone thinks, I found peace. I found myself again and I began to like silence, I became more fond of my silent self. To not be able to care? To reply with silence when someone yells at you? To shut them with silence? How wonderful can that be! How powerful does that sound? To have that power and b...

1:16 a.m The night came and she was still in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection aimlessly. She sees herself and started to count her flaws; How unpretty she was, How unlucky she was, How she felt unloved not even by her own family, She hears the voice, the one she always calls the devil, in her head telling her things, things that only hurt her and made her feel small. A tear fell down her cheek, felt like a hot drop in a cold water. More tears started to fall, knowing that what he says was true. 1:16 a.m has been marked in her memory as the time where she would do the same and each time she would cry, but with each time, she hopes that  she would hear another voice, a voice that would tell her how imperfections can be perfect in a world full of perfectionists.

I was little when I have dreamt of being a star, the star that illuminated the night sky. I was ten when I realized how silly that sounded: to be an actual star. I was twenty when I thought of my wish every time I saw a star, wondering if every kid has dreamt of that, to sparkle and shine. I, now, am twenty-four, and have realized that I can be a different kind of star and still shine. To be a star, is to achieve what you want; to be you.  To be a star, is to let yourself shine rather than shining on others.  To be a star, is to have the belief that you can make it your own way, no matter of what the others believe. Dreams do come true, and I know, that my dream since I was little girl shall be true one day.